Nityananda! Gauranga! Hare Krsna!
Dear Swami Gaurangapada and assembled devotees, please accept my full obiesances.
Thank you for your posts Gurudeva. Reading this thread brings back memories of my first 12 months under your shelter. Lots of the arguments Guru-Vrata dasa Prabhu has presented were presented to me in my early budding stage of faith in Nityananda Gauranga Naam, as you know. I was not well read and knowledgeable in Gaura Naam Tattva at that point, so was swayed by various ideas that float around the internet. And most of these ideas in various discussions were unfounded conclusions formed for whatever reasons.
Several unnecessary elements arose from my doubts. One was the doubts itself, which in our tradition are considered like poison arrows. One can just imagine how harmful these arrows are to the neophyte and his fickle faith. The second concern, which is a huge concern, was the 'subtle' disparaging of devotees who chant Gaura Naam on beads (as some kind of deviants or offenders), and in the same subtle way the discussions leads to a neglect of a 'simple truth'- the beauty of Sri Gauranga's most merciful (and extending)l Holy Name.
In the final outcome of my faith crisis, I chose to surrender to Swami Gaurangapada's kindness. He is the most loyal and faithful friend, always nurturing the faith I had, that was so little formed. Secondly I chose to place my faith in Gaura Naam (and jaap) because of what the philosophy means to my heart! And it is this: Sri Gauranga is the Supreme Personality of Godhead - the treasure of my life (founding my faith on Srila Prabhupada's commentaries of Caitanya Caritamrta). Caitanya Caritamrta is the core of my belief. What better way to adore and worship this divine personage, than to constantly chant his Holy Names of Gauranga and Hare Krsna (on beads)? My choice accepts there is no better way to learn to love. It is a very personal choice.
The proof of Gurus instruction is in the pudding! And to be honest dear Guru-Vrata Prabhu, this process of constant chanting of Gaura Naam has been the most pleasing thing of my life for the last five years. The last five years under Gurudeva's shelter has been hugely transformative internally, much more so than the previous nine years in my search for truth and bhakti. And in my heart I place faith that Srila Prabhupada will accept my small attempt at moving toward love for Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu, and following Sri Nitaai's order under the guidance of my spiritual master.
It has been essential in my Gaura Naam bhajan, under Gurudeva's advice, to never give impression that followers of Srila Prabhupada who only chant Hare Krsna Mahamantra on beads are in any way inferior. It is so important to never do that, because it is not so! According to Srila Bhaktivonda both kinds of worshippers are on the same level, because Hare Krsna and Gauranga are the same. This is a key fundamental truth.
I can understand why staunch followers of Srila Prabhupada may feel uncomfortable with my choice of worship. All I can do these days is to offer all respects to all devotees of Sri Caitanya, and humbly petition them to allow me to quietly continue on in the process, which has brought so much joy to my life. And if this attempt at service is offensive to others for whatever reason, then I do beg forgiveness. But I also beg that you please allow us to quietly continue on in the process which our small spiritual family believes in, from the depths of our hearts. This is our soul! Simple faith. And faith can move mountains!
Faith crisis seems to occur on the journey at times of growth. Once crisis is moved through and processed faith takes a step deeper into maturity...
y.s. Nava Gauranga dasa.
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Note: The thick form of the syllable 'ya' pronounced by touching the tongue to the roof of the soft palate is denoted by 'zha' although it has nothing to with the sound of 'z'. Therefore alwar is azhwar, and etc. Refer to the audio for the pronunciation.Daaso'smi,Srinath
