Saturday, November 8, 2008
Entry 02
Swami Gaurangapad et al, please accept my pranaams.
For a few days I kept up with the 10-10-10 program of japa but then I had the idea that I should keep my practice simple by just chanting Hare Krishna. By doing that for a few days, usually 10 or 12 rounds each day, it was my experience that japa was not the same anymore. I was not getting anything out of it except for a soothed heart and better sense control. When I went back to chanting the wonderful mantras Nityananda and Gauranga, my practice was improved. The two mantrarajas are most suitable for myself, especially in this age called Kali Yuga... and at the moment I just realized that it's not just in this age but eternally. I am eternally Their servant... devotees of Sri Gauranga Mahaprabhu worship Him in Goloka Vrindavana by chanting the name Gauranga... and so I, as the eternal servant of Nitai-Gaura, should always chant Gauranga and Nityananda regardless of what age the world is in. We are all eternally the parts and parcels of the Lord and so it is only natural that Devotion is the best and indeed the natural path for us.
On the second Ekadashi in October, my mother and I went to the closest vegetarian restaurant which happened to be owned by the local Hare Krishna temple. The temple is named after its deities; Sri Sri Radha-Kalachandji. The restaurant is called Kalachandji's. My mother and I went to the restaurant and consumed prasadam on that sacred day. The only unfortunate thing was that I, while knowing that the day was Ekadashi, accidently consumed grains when we were eating. When we were finished eating, my mother went out to wait for me in the car while I looked at the books. I got a very new and beautiful copy of Bhagavad Gita As It Is for a donation. While standing near the books, I was talking with a nice devotee who was wrapped in white robe. I told him that I chant on Tulsi mala the mantras Nityananda, Gauranga, and Hare Krishna. When I told him this, he had an expression on his face that suggested that I knew something so esoteric and special... and how did I even know it? We removed our footware and stepped into the temple. There is a life-size murti of Srila Prabhupada sitting in the temple that I had an interesting experience with. After looking at images of Balarama and Krishna and prostrating, I looked at the murti of Srila Prabhupada and I saw his eyes turn and look directly at me. I came closer to him and put my palms together. I felt his presence; his name, essence, thoughts, teachings, history.. all of it was there.. I saw Prabhupada and we were in each other's presence. Then I said to the devotee "I feel his.." and then he said "presence." I prostrated flat to Prabhupada. After leaving the temple it was my realization from the experience that even though I was born in 1987, I had real association with Srila Prabhupada in 2008. When I got up, the devotee gave me three flowers that were offered to Prabhupada and I smelled the flowers.. which changed my vibration. I told the devotee that I accidently consumed grains on that day and that I felt bad about it. He told me that it is okay because we make mistakes in the beginning. Hearing that devotee tell me this was a wonderful benefit and it got me to not feel bad anymore. If a non-devotee told me that then I would not feel better.
Chanting Nityananda, Gauranga, and Hare Krishna is my practice of japa. The first two mantras are ofcourse chanted more now than the last. Yesterday I chanted 16-40-1 rounds. Today I will do 50 rounds of Nityananda, 40 rounds of Gauranga, and 1 round of Hare Krishna. Though I want to chant Hare Krishna, I keep feeling like this mantra is not suitable for me. It feels like it is off limits for such a person like myself.
The more that I have been chanting, the more that I have realized how fallen I am. Right now I feel like the most fallen person who is chanting the holy names. Why am I so fortunate to even know the holy names Nityananda and Gauranga? Why am I so fortunate to feel Love for Lord Jagannaat that brings tears to me eyes while I do my usual activities and chores for Him? How is it that such a fallen and pathetic person like myself can be fortunate enough to chant and do my activities for such a merciful Lord? Even someone who learns about Krishna and chants the Mahamantra for the very first time is greater than I am. It is also very auspicious that I have accepted and found it extremely difficult to doubt that Krishna is the Absolute Truth. Nobody else can be called this. I feel that anyone who says "Kali is Supreme" or "Ganesha is Supreme" is only in ignorance or they are only deceiving themselves and others. Those who feel 'learned' and say that I am wrong to be firm in my faith that Krishna is Supreme are simply against the fact that I do not share their nearly atheistic view.
Please forgive me for how foolish I am.
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