Jumping from a cliff

 

Nityananda Gauranga Hare Krishna!

 

Dear Guruji and devotees please accept my humble obeisances.

 

Sometimes I get stuck with a verse in Sri Vrindavana dasa Thakura’s Sri Chaitanya-Bhagavata. Every verse seems like a gate to a myriad of realizations. There is so much there. I was reading in Madhya-khanda chapter eight texts 283 and 284. It was for days that I could only re-read these verses and dive deeper and deeper into the realization of one single statement. When Lord Gauranga sat on the simhasana with all the saligrama-silas on His lap the seat made a crackling sound due to the weight of Lord Visvambhara. Here it comes: Lord Nityananda quickly touched it and Lord Ananta manifested within the throne, so it did not break as Lord Gauranga comfortably sat on it.

 

Lord Nityananda reached out, and touched the throne! That is all for our benefit and to make us part to relish His pastimes. Do you think that the Lord needs to touch the throne in order to make His Sankarsana expansion active? No, He is aware of every need of the Lord every split second and His readiness to serve the Lord is active all the time. His reaching out shows us that He is in charge of His expansions, that They don’t do anything but under His direction. His touch shows us that He is aware of every single move of each of His expansions and that They only ‘perform’ because of Him. It also translates back. Everything you see around you is an expansion of Lord Nityananda. Everything that moves and doesn’t move under the sun is under the direct observation of Lord Nityananda. Lord Nityananda is the shell and within is Lord Gauranga. He is the container, the outside and inside is Lord Gauranga. From a distance it is the blue-like hue of Lord Nityananda that contains the golden glow of Lord Gauranga. From close-up it is Lord Nityananda Who beholds Lord Gauranga. There is no other entrance to Lord Gauranga than through Lord Nityananda. He is the gate and the gate keeper. You can’t go around Him and only He can give you Lord Gauranga.

 

In that little touch of the throne He reveals this to all His devotees. This little touch, that little gesture of Lord Nityananda has so much meaning and it contains oceans of bliss and realizations. When He gives these glimpses via the mercy of guru and parampara He transforms us into madmen. Because who can contain the bliss of His glances and His gestures? He is the container Himself so who can contain Him? Nobody can but He. So anybody who gets a glimpse of His mercy turns into a madman because we cannot contain the insurmountable bliss He contains.

 

The more I realize about the Lord the more I feel that nothing else but the Lord makes sense to me. Sometimes when I ‘wake up’ from the intense bliss the Lord so freely gives I can see only a ‘naked material world’ in which I feel extremely lonely and lost and I do everything in my power to get back. Separation from the Lord is so intense that it has an equal if not greater power to turn you into a madman. When the Lord has embraced you, you either get squeezed in His embrace or you get mangled by the feeling of separation from Him. In short there is just no way to live a ‘normal’ life ever after coming in contact with the Lord. He intoxicates you so deeply that there is no cure than just more of His supreme intoxication. He demands a tremendous trust and surrender, the same way as jumping from a cliff trusting that He gives you, at the last moment, the wings to survive.

 

I am so grateful that Sri Vrindavana dasa Thakura is describing what is going on there in that place of Srivasa Prabhu. He makes me feel as if am standing outside and see the light shining inside Srivasa’s house. A tumultuous kirtan is going on and to be honest I have no desire to go inside. Being on the outside holding high above my head what is going on inside is all the ecstasy I can bear. The message coming from the inside; Lord Nityananda’s little gesture of touching the throne, is almost unbearable. Such a verse alone opens all the gates of the entire supreme Truth of Lord Nityananda and Lord Gauranga…

 

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share my feelings with you all!

 

Your servant,

 

Hadai Nityananda dasa

 

Nityananda Gauranga Hare Krishna!

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