Re: Days for Abstinence

Nityananda Gauranga Hare Krishna!

Dear Swamiji and devotees,

I like to add a few openhearted words about sex and masturbation in particular. This is a problem not much addressed and talked about under devotees and I know quite a lot of aspiring devotees who have discussed this problem privately with me. Following are some of my general reflections.

Sex between a man and a woman in order to create a child to be raised as a devotee of the Lord is absolutely sacred and beautiful. As a matter in fact Lord Gauranga Krishna says about such a union between man and woman: 'I am that sex'. But sex to gratify our lusty desires has nothing to do with this sacred sex and turns out to be a dangerous blockage on our devotional path. Not only brahmacharies struggle with lusty desires; it is a problem experienced by the devotees in all ashramas.

When we give in to our lusty desires and have sex without the above described intention we call it 'illicit sex'. Evert single time we satisfy our lusty desires is as fuel on the fire. Gratification of sex desire awakens more sex desire every single time. It is very addictive and as soon as you give into the addiction it becomes harder to stop. It is like alcoholism and drug addiction; you have to stop it altogether because every sip of liquor or taste of the drug bears the tremendous danger of falling back into the addiction with even more force than before.

Many have asked me over time how we can get our lusty desires under control. There is no straight answer to this, at least not in general, since every individual needs a personalized approach. Of course when we bath in the ocean of Love for Lord Gaura Krishna lusty sexual desires would not even arise in the mind. Being absorbed 24 hours in the service of the Lord is the safest place to be. The rise of lusty desires comes when we are not engaged in the Lord and somehow we think we are the enjoyer. Everything, the whole creation, is there for the pleasure of Lord Gauranga Krishna.

Now let us have a closer look at what those lusty desires actually are and what we are doing when we are giving in to them. I like to talk in particular about masturbation. You will be shocked and you should be! The following is described from a boy’s point of view but can be easily reversed and read in the she-form as well. Mostly I ask boys of what they are thinking when they are masturbating. In most cases it is a woman they think of. What kind of woman do they think of? Mostly it is a woman they know. It is either a student at their school or university, a woman in the neighborhood, an idol or celebrity. But in most cases it is a woman they physically know. Then the next question is does the woman in question approve that you fantasize about her when you masturbate? Did you ask her? Most answer no. Masturbating on a woman who does not willingly comply with your act means that you are virtually raping her! Think about this deeply. There is even a subtle vibration that transmits to the woman in question that disturbs her normal functioning. Therefore sex models in magazines and films (many men fantasize about them) experience so many problems on so many levels.

This goes even further. The Lord knows everything you do, every breath you take. So masturbating on a woman in our fantasy is somewhat similar to "raping her while the Lord is watching you doing it". When you remember this it is impossible to masturbate and your lusty desires are checked instantly. I know it is a terrible graphic but the truth has to be spoken. Most students at this point say that knowing this makes it impossible to masturbate anymore.

There is an extra question. When you would know that you would die right after your next orgasm, would you avoid having one? Yes is always the answer. Then the ultimate question: would you rather die or know that you are raping someone while God is watching you?

Sometimes things have to be forcefully brought into perspective to be understood on the core level. I apologize when your stomach turned while reading this. Every time when we have illicit sex is fuel on the fire, a terrible fire that keeps us separated from the Lord. It NEVER brings us closer to the Lord and it ALWAYS brings us further away from Lord Gauranga Krishna. Therefore I call upon all the sincere devotees to keep up the highest standards of our guru parampara and see every day as a Holy Day of the Lord and to always stay engaged in the unlimited nectar of His Holy Names. Whenever you sincerely call upon the Lord, He will surely respond and all lusty desires will melt away as snow for the sun. Guaranteed!

Your aspiring servant,

Hadai Nityananda dasa

Nityananda Gauranga Hare Krishna!

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