Darshan with the Lord

Nityananda Gauranga Hare Krishna!

Dear Guruji and devotees please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to the guru parampara. All glories to Sri Sri Gaura Nitai. All glories to Sri Sri Radha Krishna.

Lately before I start chanting the holy Name of Lord Nityananda I feel like saying the Nityananda pranam mantra:

nityanandam aham naumi
sarvananda-karam param
hari-nama-pradam devam
avadhuta-sriromanim

Before entering into the intimacy of His holy Name it feels good to pay obeisances unto His lotus feet in the form of His pranam mantra. While chanting His holy Name something new occurred in my experience; I chant ‘Nityananda’ while realizing ‘Gaura-Nityananda’. Lord Nityananda is all about Lord Gauranga. All He is and does is for the pleasure of Lord Gauranga and thus the energy of Lord Nityananda is Gaura-Nityananda. This realization is of tremendous help in connecting with the energy of Lord Nityananda. It is like we don’t say Krishna Krishna, but we say Hare Krishna. We connect with His energy first. We approach the Lord via His energy, His most intimate energy. Lord Nityananda’s most intimate energy is His unlimited devotional service and love unto the lotus feet of Lord Gaurangadeva. So lately when I chant ‘Nityananda, Nityananda, Nityananda’ I am aware of ‘Gaura-Nityananda’, His energy and attitude.

Then when I move on to chanting ‘Gauranga’ I first say the Gauranga pranam mantra:

namo maha-vandanyaya
krishna-prema-pradaya te
krishnaya Krishna-chaitanya-
namne gaura-tvise namaha

When I chant ‘Gauranga’ I am aware and think of ‘Nitai-Gauranga’. Lord Gauranga is only fully contained by Lord Nityananda and we can only approach Lord Gauranga under the recommendation of Lord Nityananda. I beg the Lord to be excused: “I am so sorry Lord Gauranga that I put your extra-ordinary holy Name on my unholy lips but it is Your Own Lord Nityananda Who insists me to do this.”

This latest progress has naturally occurred in my chanting and it has amplified my love and attraction for the Lord tremendously. It increases my attention during chanting because now my focus has become more specific about how I approach the Lord. I am not merely repeating His Names but I am focused on His intimate energy, the being of His Name. Instead of being before the Lord it feels now like I am with the Lord. I will explain in a little bit what that means by my direct experience I got this morning.  It is all about our love for the Lord and I like to quote a few scriptures before describing my personal experience.

It is stated in Hari-nama-cintamani:

namaskara bahitaya bate
tabu nama kabhu naya

“One may vibrate the holy Names, but it may not actually be the holy Names.”

What does that mean? The holy Names and the Supreme Lord are non-different. The answer is there in the Padma Purana where it is stated:

caksur vina yatha dipam
samipastham na pasyanti
yatha darpanam eva ca
tatha visnum bahir makhah

“As a blind person cannot see anything, even with the help of a lamp or a mirror, persons who are averse to Lord Vishnu cannot see Him even if He stands before them.”

Lord Gaurangadeva says in Sri Chaitanya Bhagavata:

bhakti haita bada ache ye iha vakhane
nirantara jathi more sei jane
bhakti-sthane uhara haila aparadha
eteke uhara haila darsana-vadha

“Anyone who explains that there is something superior to devotional service constantly beats me with a stick. He has committed an offense against devotional service. Therefore he cannot see Me.”

In the same Sri-Chaitanya Bhagavata the Supreme Lord says:

muni satya kariyahon apantara muhe
mora bhakti vina kona karma kichu nahe

“I have established the fact that no activity is fruitful without devotional service.”

When we chant the holy Names of the Lord without devotion we are like the blind person who doesn’t see anything. Actually we are hurting the Lord because somehow we don’t put loving devotional service up front of the activity of our chanting. But when we chant the holy Names of the Lord with devotion the Lord personally incarnates there in the form of His holy Names. Here is a secret that is more important than seeing the Lord: it is to be seen by the Lord. How can my tiny life form being seen by the Lord? How am I, in all my smallness, given attention by the magnificent Source of all sources? By my love for Him. That is the only measure and the essence of devotional service. And when He sees me, He instantly enables me to see Him. That was what I experienced this morning as never before.

I was chanting ‘Nityananda’ with ‘Gaura-Nityananda’ in mind. I felt the tremendous devotion of Lord Nityananda for Lord Gauranga. Lord Gauranga is the only thing on His mind. All His expansions are there to serve Lord Gaurangadeva. By His devotional service alone He upholds all the living entities and in His form of Ananta Deva He upholds effortlessly all the innumerable universes as a drop on one of His thousands of hoods. Lord Nityananda is the reservoir, the container of all that is devotional service. He is devotional service Himself.  Emerged in His holy Name I felt an overwhelming love coming in waves over me and they where drowning me in such a tender way. Then when I started chanting ‘Gauranga’ with ‘Nitai-Gauranga’ in mind, Lord Nityananda took me by the hand and brought me in front of Lord Gauranga. He was sitting slightly elevated from the floor and the room was filled with the bright light of His effulgence. It was so bright that I nearly could see anything but Lord Nityananda fell down taking me down with Him in front of Lord Gauranga Krishna. Although I realized that I was totally unworthy to be there at the same time I felt protected by Lord Nityananda Who had taken me there. In fact He had included me in His container and I felt like a part of Lord Nityananda Himself. He in His unlimited mercy had included me in His darshan with Lord Gauranga. As soon as we were down on the floor the brightness of the light of Lord Gauranga dimmed in such a way that I could see Lord Nityananda at the feet of Lord Gauranga. That was unmistakably the potency of the Lord’s yogamaya. Our Lordships laughed and talked with each other and I couldn’t look up at Lord Gauranga because I was mesmerized by His feet. Actually all of Lord Gauranga was present in His feet and I vividly experienced that I was seen by Him through His feet. I realized that I could only witness this extra-ordinary vision because Lord Nityananda in His unlimited mercy had hidden me within the container of His being as if I was an atom within His being. I don’t know how to describe it differently. It was Lord Gaura-Nityananda taking darshan of Lord Nitai-Gauranga and I was allowed to be within that experience as a part and parcel of Lord Nityananda. My love for the Lord became so intense and I realized that I cannot love the Lord by myself but only when He gives me the benediction to love Him. I am totally dependent on Him and every aspect of my devotional service is dependent on Him. I wrote and sung:

mora prabhu gaura-nityananda
padma pada sarva prabhu nitai-gauranga

My Lord and master is Lord Gaura-Nityananda
Who placed me at the lotus feed of Nitai-Gauranga the Lord and master of all.

Thank you for allowing me to share my intimate experiences with the assembled devotees of this forum. May Lord Gaura-Nityananda and Lord Nitai-Gauranga always bless us with Their unlimited mercy!

Your servant,

Hadai Nityananda dasa

Nityananda Gauranga Hare Krishna!

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