With Lord Nityananda in the Sandbox

Nityananda Gauranga Hare Krishna!

Dear Guruji and devotees please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to the guru parampara. All glories to Sri Sri Gaura-Nityananda. All glories to Sri Sri Radha Krishna.

This time around I am reading the Sri Chaitanya Bhagavata very carefully. I read slow and try to meditate and ponder upon the topics discussed. Because sometimes we read but we don’t register what we are reading. Have you ever noticed that when you are reading a paragraph or even a whole page, you just don’t remember what you just have read? I really try hard this time to absorb every word of Srila Vrindavana Das Thakura’s wonderful narration of the eternal pastimes of our Lordships Nityananda and Gauranga. But sometimes the pastimes Itself are so full with mystery that I have to beg and pray for understanding. When I was reading the chapter in Madhya Kanda about the characteristics of Lord Nityananda it brought so many questions to the surface. His pastimes in the home of Srivasa Pandita and Malinidevi made me bewildered at first. Why is Lord Nityananda behaving like a child? Why is He drinking from the breast of Malinidevi? Why is He throwing food all over the place? Why does He go naked to the house of Lord Gauranga Who lives there with Saci Mata and Sri Laksmi Devi? Why is Lord Nityananda so holding on to His previous pastimes in the other Yugas? I prayed to Lord Nityananda: “Please dear Supreme Lord Gaura-Nityananda would you be so nice to give me some insight and understanding about this?” Following are the answers I got and they are amazing, clear, and full of nectar. I have penned these answers down as a conversation between Lord Nityananda and me because it resembles the most accurate how I perceived them. When the Lord gives insight it is as if an avalanche of knowledge overflows me and it seems like the answers are all there within a second although they can be a book in length. This in itself is amazing. In His all-merciful grace He has given me more than I asked for and way more than I deserve.

During chanting ‘Nityananda, Nityananda, Nityananda’ the answers started to flow. With His mercy I can write down what I remember and for the benefit of all. The first thing I understood was that the Lord was giving me what He was giving because I had given Him a drop of love which He turned into an ocean. When we give the Lord a drop of our love He turns it into an ocean! And when we give that ocean back to Him He turns it into a billion oceans and before you know He drowns you in His unlimited love.

The Supreme Lord Nityananda said: “Because you are a part and parcel of Me I will show you all that I contain, step by step, bit by bit.” All Lord Nityananda’s part and parcels are whole in itself. They are of the same quality. When you would ‘break’ Lord Nityananda in a zillion of pieces, every single piece still contains the Complete Whole of the Lord. When you are a realized part and parcel of Lord Nityananda you can be everywhere and anywhere at any time. Like Srila Narada Muni travels freely through all the worlds, material and spiritual, because He has realized Lord Nityananda, the container of everything. I realized His gentleness and that when the Lord would give me everything at once I would die at the spot because although we are qualitative made of the same there is that tremendous quantity difference. My tiny container could never hold His container.

The Supreme Lord Nityananda said: “Your eternal name is Hadai Nityananda dasa, a servant of my father and Myself.” Hadai Pandita is Dasaratha in the pastimes of Rama and Laksmana and Vasudeva in the pastimes of Krishna and Balarama. The Supreme Lord continued: “I inspired your guru Swami Gaurangapada who is very dear to Me to give you this name. Both of you are My eternal associates and are living within Me.” Instantly I was overwhelmed with waves of love for Guruji and I begged him to forgive all my mistakes. As never before I realized that Guruji functions solely on the transcendental level and that he is flawless existing above all dualistic consideration of the material nature and that He is eternally my guru and my opening to the Lord.
I also felt a tendency to lament: Dasaratha, Vasudeva and Hadai Pandita have all in common that they had to suffer separation from their beloved Sons. Before I could even end that thought the Supreme Lord Nityananda said: “Separation from Me is My Personal benediction to intensify transcendental love for Me and in due time it will be all clear to you. I promise that it is not a separation in the ordinary sense of the word because since I contain everything nothing is really ever separated from Me.”

The Supreme Lord Nityananda continued: “Hadai you will understand My pastimes at the house of Srivasa Pandita and Malinidevi because it is eternally included in your name to understand parental affection. Srivasa and Malini are as parents to Me. I fill the breasts of Malini with milk so when she sees Me milk starts flowing from her breasts. When I drink from her breasts she feels such a high satisfaction that only a few devotees are able to experience and it is the most intimate parental ecstasy. Do you remember the milk cows of Sri Krishna?”  I instantly knew what the Lord meant and I realized He had planted that experience long ago to make it clear to me today. It goes 25 years back in my life when I was meditating on the mantra Om. During a particular meditation session the sound Om suddenly turned against me. It was the most frightening experience in my life. It was as if the whole universe was going to swallow me up, as if a gigantic evil eye as big as a planet was watching his prey, me. In the top of my fear I remembered the milk cows of Sri Krishna in Vraja (I had just read Krishna book for the first time in my life). I remembered how the milk of the cows started flowing spontaneously when they saw Lord Sri Krishna or when they heard Him playing His flute. Instantly my tremendous fear turned into the opposite: I felt an ocean of safety, love and well-being entering me vanquishing the fear as snow for the sun. Lord Nityananda played the pastime of a little boy and filled Malini’s breasts with milk to enhance her parental affection. But there was more: The Supreme Lord Nityananda said: “I contain all the universes, the material and spiritual world, I am the environment in which Srimati Radharani and Lord Govinda have Their eternal pastimes. I am Lakshmana. I am Balarama. I am present in all the pastimes of the Lord because I contain Them. Since I also contain you I can bring you instantly anywhere at any time in any pastime. I do not ‘hang-on’ to previous pastimes as you think because all these pastimes are her and now present within Me. There is no present or future or here and there in My Being because everything is here and now present within Me. There is even no distance between the spiritual world and the material world because they are all contained in Me. Actually in Me you are always situated in the spiritual world. This chapter about my characteristics is there because who can reject a drop of love for a little, innocent boy? I attract souls like you to extract compassion for Me. Although I am the Guru of all gurus, although I am the container of all that is, although I am the topmost servant of Lord Gauranga Krishna, I act as a little boy to awaken just one drop of love for Me so I can turn it into an ocean and bring you back home.” Tears were flowing down my face when I realized that the Lord had taken this position of acting like a little boy just to extract a little drop from fallen souls like me, seducing us to come back Home to be with the Lord in eternal ecstasy. What an immense incomprehensible compassion!

When Lord Nityananda arrives naked at the house of Lord Gauranga He is as innocent as Sukadeva Gosvami who was entering the forest with his father Srila Vyasadeva. They were passing some young heavenly Apsaras who were playing naked in a pond. When Sukadeva Gosvami passed by, they continued playing naked in the pond. However, when Srila Vyasadeva, who was very old and had very long, white hair, came by, they at once ran away. They quickly put on their garments and offered their obeisances to Srila Vyasadeva from very far away. Srila Vyasadeva asked them, “Oh, my daughters of daughters of daughters, I am older than your grandfather’s grandfather. When you saw my young, beautiful, naked son, you were not embarrassed at all. But I am so old. You are young enough to be my great-grand-daughters, but when you saw me, you felt shame. You at once dressed yourselves in your garments and offered obeisances. Why?” The Apsaras replied, “Your son does not see whether someone is a man, a lady, a tree, or a creeper. He only sees the soul and the Supersoul everywhere. But you spoke to us, addressing us as your great-granddaughters. This is why we became so shy in front of you.”

Lord Nityananda’s nakedness is to be solely understood on the innocent level of a little boy without any contamination of the material vision of shyness and shame. Mother Saci experiences parental affection for Lord Nityananda and sees Him as the older brother of Lord Gauranga, the same as her son Visvarupa. All these pastimes of the Lord are highly confidential. His unusual behavior on the surface protects His confidential pastimes so that materialists and speculators are not able to see beyond the surface. But for the devotees of Lord Nityananda this is unlimited pure nectar and it increases their affection for Him.

Being an accepted part and parcel of Lord Gaura-Nityananda gives you access to all what He is. Within Him everything can be revealed and He can take you anywhere at any time, instantly and effortlessly. When we are seen and accepted by Lord Nityananda, we are accepted by Lord Gauranga and by Radha Krishna. He is the end-all of spiritual devotion and He makes Himself available as a little boy Who invites you to come and play with Him in the sandbox. Who can reject such an open invitation?

Your servant,

Hadai Nityananda dasa

Nityananda Gauranga Hare Krishna!

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