Divine mercy overlooks all limitations -- all is never lost

Dear Swamiji, Hadai prabhu and all Vaisnavas,

        Nityananda Gauranga Hare Krishna! Please accept my dandavat obeisances and my plea for your forgiveness!

        The devotees like Guruji Swami Gaurangapada, and all the others on this sacred sanga and wherever else in all of creation are the only hope for all fallen souls like us. I am fortunate that my connection to the Lord's family has been revealed by Hadai Nityananda dasa prabhu. The day the Lord gave me an opportunity to have his association was a turning point with the word stretched to the limit of meaning. By his mercy, so much has happened in just over a year. He has given me your association. Srimad Bhagavatam says that even a moment's association with a pure devotee is most precious, more precious than anything else. Thanks to your mercy, despite all my disqualifications, limitations, and despicable, abominable condition, your association is continuing for definitely much longer than one moment and I pray that you will let it grow more and keep giving your sangha for eternity. But in spite of all that, you say with love and forgiveness and supreme mercy, "Child, look beyond these limitations and see yourself as a servant of the Lord and His servants, that's who you are. Those limitations are only imposed on the conditioned false ego." When I finally got it approved, the answer was shocking when it hit me that no one can ever reach the Lord by themselves. Their deliverance is possible only by the mercy of the Lord and His devotees. But actually, it is essential that one surrenders to the devotees, in reality it is not possible for fallen souls like me to approach the Lord without His devotees.

         Since the spiritual world is solely responsible for delivering the material world, it follows by default that all the material souls have limitations imposed by their entanglement in maya. Saying limitations is not the way I used to write, however the devotees use this word. I realise their merciful nature by the use of a word like 'limitation' which is quite forgivable and small, sounds almost harmless. What 'limtation' really refers to is the wretched condition in which I have fallen, carrying a preposterous burden of piety and sins, offenses, vices, bad character, unclean habits, a multitude of all the disgusting things I have done in an eternity of bondage in the material word. That's everything abominable and condemnable, cannot even be put into words or described. I am a maha-papi, a great offender, fool and rascal, cheat...etc.  and all this is dismissed as 'limitations'!!! 

         It is therefore a fact that the merciful devotees in showing their mercy overlook all the limitations of the conditioned jivas. Otherwise no one will be delivered as no one in the material world is without limitations. From my fallen viewpoint I am amazed to see how the souls are given the mercy of Nitai Gaura through themselves and their devotees. Seeing from the relative platform I am deluded and I see only the external covering, therefore I think, "See that person! How sinful! So disgusting! That person did this, did that, has this bad quality....." or I think, "Oh! This person is pious! He did something nice..." These dualistic perceptions make me biased, bloat up my already over-ballooned false ego. I am not in a position to show any real mercy because I consider someone fit and another unfit. Sooner or later, I may become so egoistic that I may get fed up and think that everyone is unfit. Or being tired of seeing my own limitations, I may get frustrated with myself I cannot forgive others or even myself for this matter.

          All other conditioned jivas are similarly lacking in vision. For example, owing to my bad qualities, I create a hellish situation for others around me. My mistakes cause great trouble for others. For this they may forgive me the first time, but eventually they will associate me with my mistakes. For this they may curse me severely, utter harsh words, maybe even land a few blows, venting out their frustration. They sometimes go to the extent of saying that there is no way a soul as sinful as I am can be delivered because I don't deserve it and that my meagre practices are a waste of time and an insult to the devotees. This hits my ego hard. Since I cannot see like a devotee I take the words to be true and it pierces my core. I start thinking that I am useless. What's the point in my sadhana practice if I simply go on failing like this? Its hopeles...etc. Thinking like this, I consider myself beyond redemption and fall into the pit of despair and moroseness. This is not humility. Humility is spiritual and humilty makes us all the more eager to take shelter of the Lord and His devotees. But this self condemnation is not humility, it is another form of bewilderment. I become slack and start thinking of giving up. Then I impose my relativistic vision on the devotees. I foolishly think that the great devotees have abandonded me for ever and its all over. This pitiful, imaginary idea sends me downhill and my devotion takes a bad dip. The emotional impact is severe and can cloud one's memory and clear thinking and can drown a person into despodency..

           If such a situation has been enountered by you, then from my assoication with a devotee, I quote these words, "Do not despair. You are never lost. Those words are not true! They are also uttered in bewilderment!" Why? More to come in the next post,

(To be continued...!)

A beggar who has received the devotees causeless mercy by their desire, even without my begging for it,
Srinath
 

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