Conundrum

Dear Swami Gaurangapada & All,

Please accept my humble obeisances.  All glories to Srila Prabhupada! 

I have been perusing your site for about 6 months now, and I guess  because of my circumstances I have been pushed to introduce myself to the NITAII community at large.  My name is Bruce, and I live in Lakeland, Florida.  I'm not new to the esoteric teachings of the Vedic literature, but I'm still a neophyte. 

About three months ago, I started to chanted Nityananda and Gauranga mantras, but I never did share this with anyone.  I did my own self experience with the holy names because I was  skeptical about it's validity, to be quite honest.   

However, I started to make amazing result.  I became steady in my spiritual practices.  I became so attached to these holy names now.

So, I decided to share this spiritual realization with my spiritual master Babaji and to the general community at large, and I have been placed on corrective actions.

I was told that I was not intellect because I'm trying to concoct some nonsense.  I was told that this is a form of impresonalism, and that I was chopping a branch for devotion service by such foolish methods.  What is more, I was told that because such named actions  I was informed that I had committed an offense to the holy name, and that I probably have lost my taste for the Maha mantra.

I still chant my rounds.

I had tried to submit scripture, but he would have none of it.  He told me that I was trying to find a quick and easy way to Krsna, and simply put: there are none.

However, the oddity of this situation occurred with a dream I had on the night before.  A golden woman placed her foot on the top of my head, and the next day all this has happened.   I'm attached to Nityananda, Gauranga mantra.  I don't think I can give it up.   I have tried, but I feel so sad and empty away from them.   

Have I lost the taste for the holy name? 

Can anyone explain this dream?

What is a person to do when one's heart is leading you in a different direction for your guru?

I'm sorry to lay my trouble at your door steps, but I have no one else to talk too.  Sadly, I can not asks any more question concerning this matter with my spiritual master.


Sincerely,

bruce

Comment on this Post